Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
