Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
