??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
