My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Couch. On fire.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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