Screwed.edu
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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