oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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