Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
