Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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