What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize