I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
