I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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