Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
