Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
