Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
