I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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