so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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