we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
