thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
