Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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