Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
