am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
