omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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