everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
