I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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