are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
