In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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