we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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