You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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