evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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