it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
