He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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