its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
