1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize