that's an acceptable place to lick
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
