i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
