So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
