Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
