He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
