im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
