hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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