i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
