i just had sex bonerless
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
