i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
