We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I need to stop coming to work sober
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
