A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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