apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
