Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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