Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
