i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
