They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Such a big mess for such a small penis
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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