Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
