after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize