If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
