I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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