So drunk its hurt
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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