its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
