and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize