just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
