listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
