When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm passing your future prison.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
