So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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