I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We just shotgunned beers for America
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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