I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
