I met the friendliest cop last night
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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