What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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