so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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