I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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