a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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