Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize