What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
