Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
