He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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