then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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