i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
