I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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