A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
