I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
