peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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