can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
