I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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