I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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