3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize