She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
