Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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