i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
