She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
