i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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