if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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