Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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