she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
