Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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