One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
