she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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