I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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