I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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