he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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