when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We have so much sex to catch up on
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
