He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
