i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just gargled with NyQuil
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