Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
