Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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