Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
