Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
