When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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