haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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