i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize