I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I believe in your delicious
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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