we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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