There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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