if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
